apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
