There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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