I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
