So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
