Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
