Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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