You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You are a genius and a whore.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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