Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
