I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
