OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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