I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
