I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
