Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
