put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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