He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Holy sore nipples Batman
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
