just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Dicks are not precious.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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