I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
