Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
