there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm getting married
To pizza
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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