Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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