She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
being pregnant is like rehab
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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