I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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