Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
