I hate your face
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
