The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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