he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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