the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The beer is more important than you right now.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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