have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I have fence marks all over my body
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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