My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
