Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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