I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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