You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
