My liver just broke up with me...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
