Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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