My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
