i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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