i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
