i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
