Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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