there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
