Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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