She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
