I want to have your abortion
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
