Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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