allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
