Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize