Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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