Can i not drive my cunt home
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
