if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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