she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
