I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
