make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
i think im in europe. pls send help
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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