toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
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