Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My vagina is officially offended.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
