I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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