Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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