My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
