he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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