my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
