oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
