When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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