That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
