Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
