i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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