Define "chronic" masturbator.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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