Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Pooping to opera.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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