woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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