Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
