We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
