Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
