She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
