An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
