I hate all girls vehemently.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
