your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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