Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
