I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize