I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
