This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
