Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
