Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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