no, he came in my armpit
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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