I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
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