I think my fart just growled at me.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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