he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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