i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
