Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
