Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
