he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
