Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
