i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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