You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
