He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
