If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize