im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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