Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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