i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize