I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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