how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
