No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
